Life Lately, in Paintings

During kendo training last Saturday, our sensei made us wear bogu (kendo armor) and do shiai (sparring). It's actually my first time to wear bogu and to do shiai.

Well, I don't know if my match was a draw or a loss. I'm pretty sure I didn't win because I didn't get a point but I have no idea if my opponent got a score either. While I did manage to hit my opponent a few times, I didn't do proper follow-through, and that's maybe/apparently why I couldn't earn a point. Well, it doesn't matter really if I won or lost because the point of the shiai was to show us the importance of kihon ("basics" or "fundamentals", in Japanese).

It was a really nice experience (and I can't wait to see the videos to see how silly/stupid I looked during my match haha). I'm motivated to train harder at kihon and eventually pass the bogu exam so that I can finally wear a bogu.

"Kihon! Kihon! Kihon!!", sensei always says.

These past few weeks, I've been trying to figure out what I really want out of life and maybe I need to stop fooling myself that I'm fine with what I am and what I have right now. Instead, I need to start going for what I really want.

"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul."

I know I made bad choices these past few years but I'll make sure that I will learn something out of them.

And sadly, I'm going through a little heartbreak right now. Well, my heart's been broken a few times before. But maybe the word "broken" doesn't cut it... more like it's been crushed before and this one I'm experiencing right now is probably just a little crack-- nothing my resilient heart cannot handle.

And with all that's happening, an emotional Heimlich would be really useful. As Chuck from Pushing Daisies said, "A hug can turn your day around. It's like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breathe again."

But maybe a nice movie doesn't hurt. I watched Kingsman last week and I absolutely loved it. Action, comedy, gentlemen in suits... just my cup of tea.

Also, Game of Thrones.

Or maybe some meditation.

No worries, I'm totally fine. :)

That Day in February

It's that time of the year again, huh?

I'm not one to talk about relationships. I've only been in one short-lived relationship and in one non-relationship, which doesn't count at all.

Oh I won't be such a hypocrite to say that I'm never bothered by the singleness. I am, sometimes. Especially during this time of the year.

However, I don't think anyone can really say that it's better to be single or that it's better to be in a relationship (especially at this age) as each has its own advantages.

Usually, the advantage of being single is the freedom. No matter what you say, a relationship will take some (if not a lot) of your time. On the other hand, the advantage of being in a relationship is that you have someone to share everything with. And no matter what you say, there's a certain form of happiness in having someone by your side (aside from friends and family).

***

Here's my advice to myself (and to anyone who needs it): 

At some point in your life, you will find that person so just make the most of singleness for now!

Go to places you want to go. Go someplace distant. Study someplace distant. Work someplace distant if you want to (be sure to return and serve your country... but that's another story). At some point in your life, you might not want to go anymore because you don't want to leave a certain person behind.

Let loose. Learn many different things. Enrich yourself. Meditate. Pray. Use your time to do ALL the things you want to do (just make sure it's legal)! You might even meet that person along the way.

Take time to enjoy your own company. Take time to enjoy the company of your friends. Take time to enjoy the company of your family. Spoil your parents. At some point in your life, there'll be one more person to compete with your mega-busy schedule.

Love yourself. It's a must for when that time comes.

***

So while I'm still waiting, I will enjoy everything singleness has to offer. And when the time and that person arrives, I won't have any regrets because I've already enjoyed singleness and hopefully, I'll be ready to take on a relationship.

***

I have Valentines Day plans too! That is to eat chocolate or cake or choco chip mint ice cream or just anything I want! Who wants to come food tripping with me in UP? :3 (Hopefully we won't have any meetings on Valentines Day.)

Getting There

More than a year ago, I started going out with a person.

Almost exactly a year ago, I told that person that I liked him. (I'm probably one of the most honest and straighforward persons you'll know.) Of course he told me he liked me back. (I would have punched him if he went out with me and didn't like me!) He never became my boyfriend but I hope you get the picture.

Unfortunately, some months ago, he broke my heart. He had reasons although they weren't enough excuse to hurt me. After all, he had a choice NOT to hurt me. Everything was sudden and we didn't part in good terms because he crossed the ocean the day after and hasn't come back since.

Last month, however, it suddenly dawned into me that I wanted to forgive him and that I had to forgive him if I wanted to move on. But since he's an ocean away, I had no choice but to say things through a Facebook message (yeah, lame, I know). It was a very short message exchange, which was preferable because more messages meant being more prone to misunderstandings.

To be honest, I haven't fully gotten over what he did and sometimes I still feel resentful but I'm trying to get there. It's just not easy because I was emotionally invested. But I guess what's important is my decision to forgive the person and to move on. And no worries, I have accepted the fact that things won't go back to how they were and I'm happy with my life right now. :) Besides, as I always say, we always have to look at the brighter side of things.

***

Heh, a lot of times my straightforward attitude gets me into trouble and/or embarrassing situations but I still prefer being me. :))

A Direct Hit to the Heart

To be honest, I didn't want to write this down my blog because I don't want bad vibes or emo things here. But then the purpose of this blog is memory storage. If I don't write this down, I might forget this. Not that I don't want to forget bad things that happened (I'd choose to have selective amnesia if I could) but I don't want to forget the lessons that came with them. Maybe in a few months or years I'll look back, read this and laugh at myself.

Got myself into heartbreaking things last week. But...

What's a direct hit to the heart when you've got friends to visit you in class and surprise you with your favorite milk tea?

What's a direct hit to the heart when you've got a friend who'll eat cake with you even if he has to travel half-across Metro Manila?

What's a direct hit to the heart when you've got friends to hug you like a stuffed toy?

What's a direct hit to the heart when you've got colleagues (who are like older brothers and fathers) to pray for you?

What's a direct hit to the heart when you've got family?

What's a direct hit to the heart when you can make jasmine Yakult at home? (Just steep some jasmine-flavored tea in boiling water, add some sugar, lots of ice and a bottle of Yakult. And maybe some milk if you want. It's totes awesome. Like sampaguita-flavored Yakult to be exact haha.)

I think it's obvious where I'm getting at. We always need to look at the brighter side of things. Focus more on the blessings, not the frustrations.

A Love Letter

Dear You,

I'm not exactly trying to find you. I just hope that we cross paths one day and then always share the same path afterward.

Once a month, I get really cranky (and you'll notice because I grow pimples around the same time) so I hope you can bear with that. It's nothing a bearhug can't fix, anyway.

Sometimes (if not often), I'll do sweet gestures so I hope you won't mind and you'll appreciate them. But if I ever get too clingy and demanding, just say so.

You'll know that I like baking and cooking so I hope you'll eat, love and crave for what I bake and cook. Maybe you can help out in the kitchen too.

As much as I take care of people, I tend to forget to take care of myself sometimes. Please take care of me. I'll do the same to you always.

I love hugs. They make me strong. Please hug me whenever I'm happy or sad, encourage me whenever I'm on the verge of giving up, cheer me on whenever I'm working hard and give me a backpat whenever I do a good job. I'd love to give you lots of bearhugs, encouragement, cheering and backpats too!

If we don't agree on something, let's talk about it and let's compromise. I don't like misunderstandings.

Let's converse a lot, I like that. Tell me your stories, share your hobbies. But let's also have quiet time sometimes (like maybe doing our own business or simply meditate beside each other without having to talk). And of course let's have time for ourselves for we don't have to stick with each other 24/7.

Don't worry. I'm not that high-maintenance. We can just go to Maginhawa Street for our dates (the places there aren't very expensive or at least not yet). Pretty (and probably expensive) restaurants are nice but only once in a while. I'll take you out too once in a while. Or maybe when we're both on tight budget, we can just hang out at home and watch movies (pirated or torrent copy) while eating chips and homecooked food.

Let's go to places. I'd like to go to random parks and places (cheap or otherwise), to Philippine beaches, to Europe, to Japan, to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter etc. Let's travel and learn things together. Isn't that awesome?

"Just your heart in exchange for mine." -Yvaine, Stardust movie

Love,
Me

***

Oh wow, first love letter I've written! And no, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Just something for the future. Haha. I wrote this maybe more than a month ago but I only managed to post it today.